You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
