Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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