Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
