just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
