They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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