You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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