Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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