3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
