Don't you send me to vm
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
