the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
