3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize