just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
