Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
