Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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