Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
