I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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