You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
