Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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