I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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