apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
bring money and cleavage
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
