Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
