Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize