it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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