shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
