A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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