My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
