Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize