have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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