If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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