Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
