Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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