Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
