she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
