And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How external is "for external use only"?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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