matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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