dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
