he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize