Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize