We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
