We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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