I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This baby is an asshole
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
