My friends, they love my intelligence
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
