What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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