it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
