guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
