Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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