I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
