I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
