i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
