Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
