so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
