I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
