So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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