yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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