Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
