Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We left an ass print on the piano.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
