I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
