Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize