she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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