If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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