So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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