Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
