Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
